Coming Home or (When Shit Hits the Fan We Go to What’s Real and True!)

My heart runs far from where you intended
Come after me, please
My heart runs far from where you intended
Come after me, please

The son has come home, we’re rejoicing
The son has come home, rejoice my soul” -David Crowder*Band

I’m going to start going to Divine Liturgy again soon!

Going through all that surrounds my mommy dying, has made me see that ultimately when the worst thing happens I come back to the Church and the Faith taught there is where my faith and heart lie; everything I have found to be true there keeps me going. And all the struggles, pity fits I’ve had, etc. mean nothing in light of all that I’ve experienced in the last few weeks.

Not sure any of this makes any sense. I know that Orthodoxy in the end is true and my conscience always told me that. Or maybe it was the Spirit? I don’t know.

But there’s no where else to go or no where else I’d want to be. I even called Fr. Stephen the morning my mom died to have him pray for me, my family, and our mom. I’m also gonna have a prayer service with him that is a prayer service/memorial service for non-Orthodox Christians who have reposed in the Lord.

When shit hits the fan we go to what’s real and true!

I just feel that if I were still under some Protestant beliefs they couldn’t sustain the pain of this. I mean no offense, but I find much of their theology shallow when it comes to death and such. And Orthodoxy isn’t shallow and heavily, heavily emphases the Resurrection. It’s what sustains me in this deep trial!

I know my mother joins the cloud of witnesses and worships God in heaven with Christ. And prays for me because her “life was hidden in God” as St. Paul says in Col. 3.

The death of my mom just makes all the issues I had with Orthodoxy seem like child’s play now; sure some concerns still lie with me and such, but it isn’t something I should let keep me from the Tradition I once zealously loved and still do. I was blinded by anger, shame, fear, failure, and shit. I need to get my house in order spiritually, and truly be present in Orthodoxy for a change.

Her passing just showed me deep down I couldn’t be anywhere else, but in Orthodoxy.

I’m horrible at living the Faith, but I can’t leave it and my mother’s reposing has shown me that!

Kind of amazing that your mom would bring you Home!” -A Friend and fellow Orthodox Christian